This book is about a young person’s journey to discover their own gender identity in a world with only two choices: man and woman. The overall theme, however, is broader then that; Everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own skin. Too often we sacrifice pieces of ourselves in order to fit in and if we’re not careful, those pieces can be lost. This is clear and obvious for someone like Jacob Tobia, who spent their adolescent years trying to figure out which gender box they belonged in. Ultimately, they decided to make their own, and they express this by wearing whatever clothing they want, depending on whether they are feeling more feminine or more masculine on that particular day and occasion.
“I was perched on my homework couch—reading Walden by Thoreau and studying the transcendentalist movement—when I found myself brainstorming in the margins of my book: Gender Transcendentalism?” Tobia writes of their journey towards their own gender identity. They continue: “I chewed on those words. Wasn’t that what I wanted? To go into the woods, into a world of my own, build a gender of my own design, and set my own rules, free from the influence of the outside world? Didn’t I want to transcend the binary?” This idea, of creating your own world, was a sentiment I connected with strongly via my own personal political journey. I was raised in a family of Democrats and it was simply assumed that I would be a Democrat as well, but I never felt like one on the inside. There are some positions that Democrats stand for that I agree with, like legalized abortion, but there are also some Republican ideas that make sense to me, like the importance of a free market in a capitalist system. Tobia has found the courage to wear lipstick with their five o’clock shadow. Can I find the courage to support both gay rights and gun rights?
Coming out as transgender lost Tobia friends and opportunities in life, but it also created new ones in the ensuing absence. When I told my mother and sister that I was not voting for the Democratic ticket in the 2020 election, they were so upset that they walked away and literally left me alone at a Diary Queen. It was my equivalent to ‘coming out’ of the (political) closet, and it was not a positive experience. My family members and I have since come back together and are on good terms, but things are not, and never will be, the same. I feel more politically lost at sea now than I ever have before, but I also feel more confident in myself and my beliefs as well. Ever since I have started telling friends and relatives about my ideas openly and honestly, a majority of them have accepted me, even if they disagree.
This book is great for the simple lesson it teaches between the lines: we must all find a way to be our authentic selves in society. For Tobia, they will continually be shaping and honing their gender identity throughout their life. For me, it is my political and cultural identity. The price of not pursuing our true identities is our happiness.
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